It gets worse before it gets better, right...?
Crying a river. WTF. I hate my life. And spring break. And war. And freedom fries.
The worst part: I know I'll be okay eventually. It's getting to the eventually that I have trouble doing...like that saying, cry me a river, build me a bridge...? Building can be so hard! And knowing I'll be okay, that's what I hate. I can't just give up. I'll suffer, suffer some more...and somehow pull through it all. Even the really hard shit that hit me and still haunts me today. I mean, there's always the easy way out. And I'm (luckily) too stubborn to take it...I just need someone to talk to. Someone not family, cuz then there's my family, who says I can't stay in Berkeley for spring break. And them opening an invite for him to go to Sacto with me. I think that, and ppl asking me about him, is what did it for me. I'm falling apart, breaking down. I wish I could just be left alone...
The other worst part: wishing it all never happened...but knowing that I loved every minute of it when I had it. It's just...everything reminds me. I essentially experienced college with him so far...and being alone scares the fucking shit outta me. I got to have about 6 months of giddyness and happiness, living with rose-tinted glasses. Now...music, places, even Cal Band has lost it's appeal, somewhat...that's when you know it's serious, right? And all the couples I know. I'm happy they found someone to be happy with...but still. It's kinda like someone ripped out my heart, pureed it, and then dumped it on the ground and started stomping.
And then the fear: Test girl...? and the What-ifs...I just don't care anymore. I'm half-hearted at everything now, cuz I feel like I only have half a heart. I'm broken. I guess I should eat my first meal of the day. Food is over-rated anyway. What I really want to do is just drown all my sorrows and problems. Go gators...
Andrea: "I have more balls than my boyfriend..." I like your tattoo...I could never do that. Thanks for listening to me.
Crying a river. WTF. I hate my life. And spring break. And war. And freedom fries.
The worst part: I know I'll be okay eventually. It's getting to the eventually that I have trouble doing...like that saying, cry me a river, build me a bridge...? Building can be so hard! And knowing I'll be okay, that's what I hate. I can't just give up. I'll suffer, suffer some more...and somehow pull through it all. Even the really hard shit that hit me and still haunts me today. I mean, there's always the easy way out. And I'm (luckily) too stubborn to take it...I just need someone to talk to. Someone not family, cuz then there's my family, who says I can't stay in Berkeley for spring break. And them opening an invite for him to go to Sacto with me. I think that, and ppl asking me about him, is what did it for me. I'm falling apart, breaking down. I wish I could just be left alone...
The other worst part: wishing it all never happened...but knowing that I loved every minute of it when I had it. It's just...everything reminds me. I essentially experienced college with him so far...and being alone scares the fucking shit outta me. I got to have about 6 months of giddyness and happiness, living with rose-tinted glasses. Now...music, places, even Cal Band has lost it's appeal, somewhat...that's when you know it's serious, right? And all the couples I know. I'm happy they found someone to be happy with...but still. It's kinda like someone ripped out my heart, pureed it, and then dumped it on the ground and started stomping.
And then the fear: Test girl...? and the What-ifs...I just don't care anymore. I'm half-hearted at everything now, cuz I feel like I only have half a heart. I'm broken. I guess I should eat my first meal of the day. Food is over-rated anyway. What I really want to do is just drown all my sorrows and problems. Go gators...
Andrea: "I have more balls than my boyfriend..." I like your tattoo...I could never do that. Thanks for listening to me.
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