What I would do for a massage...I'll settle for the bag of ice sitting on my shoulder to reduce the swelling.

As of late, I've been growing increasingly depressed. I'm now acknowledging these feelings in hopes that they will soon depart...it hasn't been as good a summer as I hoped.

I'm so physically defective. Damnit. And emotionally defective. Why do I feel this way? I should be happy...but I feel so...unappreciated, so "blah," so ugly, so pain-filled, so unacceptable, so inadequate, so unloved. And trapped, where no one knows or cares about me. Just some sort of love, sympathy, empathy, recognition, criticism, hate...ANYTHING. Anything to make me feel like SOMETHING I do affects someone else, that I make a difference, that I exist.

I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs for help and no one hears me or takes me seriously. Or cares.

What if I really, really need help one day and no one is there...

Because I will. And I'll be alone.

And being alone is awful when you need someone there.

Who will be there for me when I need them?... I'm afraid to answer that question.