Religion--I don't get it.
I can't understand it. Why it is so wonderful, and why some ppl think it isn't. Why some ppl who ARE religious look down on ppl who aren't. And how ppl who aren't are treated differently for not understanding it in the first place, when they never got the opportunity to learn about it. I mean, I am completely open to the idea of attempting to understand...but I feel like no one will give me a chance, only because "I should know this stuff already." I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, trying to figure it all out.
I grew up not knowing or learning about God. Religion was just not pressed on me when I was younger, and as I grew up, no one introduced me to the concept of religion. I just learned my morals and ethics from my parents. I know what's good, and what's bad. I didn't need to learn that from a book or by listening to a sermon. I just know. My friends, who WERE religious, never explained anything to me. If I asked, they would answer, but I always felt like I should already understand. When I was younger, it didn't bother me much. I was told I was lucky for not having to go to church. Yay Sunday morning cartoons...as I grew older, I felt like I was missing something. Religion became something special to ppl that I wasn't allowed to experience. It still didn't bother me so much. Not until the ppl closest to me couldn't include me in things because only their church group could go, or they would have Bible study and I wouldn't be able to go because I wouldn't be able to discuss anything with them. Religion shouldn't be exclusive...right? Then, when I came to California, ppl would actually try and convince me that their religion is right. And that I'm going to hell for not following their same beliefs. Great. That's worse than being talked about in Penn, where I was criticized for singing a solo for a concert because it was a song, in Latin, that had references to God. They thought it wouldn't "mean as much" to me. JUST great. They can be so blind...I'm actually afraid to start to read the Bible, because when I read some for my literature class for the references, ppl treated me like I was strange. Like I shouldn't touch it.
Ppl think I'm atheist. I'm not, far from it. I'm not even sure if that is how you spell it. I do believe in something, something greater, but I can't put a name to it. I can't say "God" persay, because I haven't learned the "true" meaning to what "God" represents to others. And it's apparently something that people can't teach me about, so I'm back to square one: I don't understand religion. And God. And church. And why this is important to ppl. All I know is that I feel like I don't quite fit anywhere in life, and what I do know about what I believe in has taken me this far. I don't know if being religious is something that helps ppl find themselves in life, but I'm tired of ppl saying "too bad" when I say I'm not religious. Even if it's not out loud. They say it with a look full of pity for my lost and damned soul. Get over it. I don't need pity.
Shouldn't experiencing religion be a personal thing, something that someone understands on a personal level? Then why is my level of beliefs not good enough? I don't understand...ppl don't share their religious experiences or reflections...how would they know what I think and believe? Why do people judge when they don't understand? I could very well say religion is an exclusive club from what I've experienced on the outside, or a cult that attempts to bring ppl in...but I don't. Because I want to learn more before I make my call. I have questions, questions that I feel I can't ask ppl to answer. I've grown to dislike asking ppl, I'm tired of them either pushing religion on me or treating me like I'm an ignorant fool.
I think I've done fine, with my own beliefs and my own ideas on how to live my life so far. I try my best to be a good person, and while I'm not perfect, I know plenty of "religious" ppl who have done awful things...so why does that, in some ppl's minds, mean they get to go to a higher place, and I don't? Does that make any sense? Then there are always the ppl who don't really care one way or another and they just go because their parents make them go. This world can be crazygonuts sometimes. I just get so frustrated. So many ppl I am close to, their religion is important to them. And I feel like I'm being punished for not understanding, for not sharing that one important thing with them. And I try, I really do, to understand. I go if I'm welcome, I ask questions...I'd even like to read the Bible, in private or with someone, so they can explain some things to me, provided that I won't be criticized for it again.
I just don't get it.
I can't understand it. Why it is so wonderful, and why some ppl think it isn't. Why some ppl who ARE religious look down on ppl who aren't. And how ppl who aren't are treated differently for not understanding it in the first place, when they never got the opportunity to learn about it. I mean, I am completely open to the idea of attempting to understand...but I feel like no one will give me a chance, only because "I should know this stuff already." I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, trying to figure it all out.
I grew up not knowing or learning about God. Religion was just not pressed on me when I was younger, and as I grew up, no one introduced me to the concept of religion. I just learned my morals and ethics from my parents. I know what's good, and what's bad. I didn't need to learn that from a book or by listening to a sermon. I just know. My friends, who WERE religious, never explained anything to me. If I asked, they would answer, but I always felt like I should already understand. When I was younger, it didn't bother me much. I was told I was lucky for not having to go to church. Yay Sunday morning cartoons...as I grew older, I felt like I was missing something. Religion became something special to ppl that I wasn't allowed to experience. It still didn't bother me so much. Not until the ppl closest to me couldn't include me in things because only their church group could go, or they would have Bible study and I wouldn't be able to go because I wouldn't be able to discuss anything with them. Religion shouldn't be exclusive...right? Then, when I came to California, ppl would actually try and convince me that their religion is right. And that I'm going to hell for not following their same beliefs. Great. That's worse than being talked about in Penn, where I was criticized for singing a solo for a concert because it was a song, in Latin, that had references to God. They thought it wouldn't "mean as much" to me. JUST great. They can be so blind...I'm actually afraid to start to read the Bible, because when I read some for my literature class for the references, ppl treated me like I was strange. Like I shouldn't touch it.
Ppl think I'm atheist. I'm not, far from it. I'm not even sure if that is how you spell it. I do believe in something, something greater, but I can't put a name to it. I can't say "God" persay, because I haven't learned the "true" meaning to what "God" represents to others. And it's apparently something that people can't teach me about, so I'm back to square one: I don't understand religion. And God. And church. And why this is important to ppl. All I know is that I feel like I don't quite fit anywhere in life, and what I do know about what I believe in has taken me this far. I don't know if being religious is something that helps ppl find themselves in life, but I'm tired of ppl saying "too bad" when I say I'm not religious. Even if it's not out loud. They say it with a look full of pity for my lost and damned soul. Get over it. I don't need pity.
Shouldn't experiencing religion be a personal thing, something that someone understands on a personal level? Then why is my level of beliefs not good enough? I don't understand...ppl don't share their religious experiences or reflections...how would they know what I think and believe? Why do people judge when they don't understand? I could very well say religion is an exclusive club from what I've experienced on the outside, or a cult that attempts to bring ppl in...but I don't. Because I want to learn more before I make my call. I have questions, questions that I feel I can't ask ppl to answer. I've grown to dislike asking ppl, I'm tired of them either pushing religion on me or treating me like I'm an ignorant fool.
I think I've done fine, with my own beliefs and my own ideas on how to live my life so far. I try my best to be a good person, and while I'm not perfect, I know plenty of "religious" ppl who have done awful things...so why does that, in some ppl's minds, mean they get to go to a higher place, and I don't? Does that make any sense? Then there are always the ppl who don't really care one way or another and they just go because their parents make them go. This world can be crazygonuts sometimes. I just get so frustrated. So many ppl I am close to, their religion is important to them. And I feel like I'm being punished for not understanding, for not sharing that one important thing with them. And I try, I really do, to understand. I go if I'm welcome, I ask questions...I'd even like to read the Bible, in private or with someone, so they can explain some things to me, provided that I won't be criticized for it again.
I just don't get it.
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